a home for homeless literature
Amir Ode with Subtext Included
Published Thursday, November 24, 2005 by Anonymous | E-mail this post
Me giving Amir's poetry a minor working over. Notice the lack of concern for formal constraints. I have however, left parts unchanged, so the molestation is not total.
Gentle mattress,
holding my piece to facilitate dreams of half-clothed lies.
Sanctuary from bourgeois schemes--O, Serta!
Fresh sheets, but crisper crumbs dot covers by the by.
Curl up
my doziness content beneath your coziness,
lamp illuminates my pornography,
How often have I foolishly mistook
The creak in dark for father's footsteps?
Companion to my rigid solitude,
engaged in solitary enterprising pleasure, heated lust
redeemed with stolid measure
-ahhh-
Tamed, in sacred crucible, life's plenitude.
Exhausted in the darkness counting sheep,
I turn to thee for aid in silent sleep.
Gentle mattress,
holding my piece to facilitate dreams of half-clothed lies.
Sanctuary from bourgeois schemes--O, Serta!
Fresh sheets, but crisper crumbs dot covers by the by.
Curl up
my doziness content beneath your coziness,
lamp illuminates my pornography,
How often have I foolishly mistook
The creak in dark for father's footsteps?
Companion to my rigid solitude,
engaged in solitary enterprising pleasure, heated lust
redeemed with stolid measure
-ahhh-
Tamed, in sacred crucible, life's plenitude.
Exhausted in the darkness counting sheep,
I turn to thee for aid in silent sleep.
3 Responses to “Amir Ode with Subtext Included”
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ATOM 0.3
Like waiting against the gymnasium wall at a grade school dance.
Well thanks fer humiliating me like that...hahaha! Last time i open up to SLAPDASH THO!!!
Oh c'mon! Don't shut down. I've come to need my glimpses into the inner Amir. I wouldn't do things like this if I didn't know you could take it, big man.
While i think rethinking the poem is grand I'm not entirely for4 ditching the structure. In fact I want to see some fo the structure put back in, jsut not in such an obvious way (the orginal, honestly, sounds like a fridge magnet or something. Which isn't bad if you like fridge magnets). What i liked about Darrell's reowrking was the short line so i would do something like every fifth line is two words and maybe pick an artibrary length for the other lines and try to hide the ryhmes in the middle of the lines 9think My Last Dutchess by Browing). Yeah.